Late Night Monologue – Week of 7/4/11

– On Monday, Fox News’s Twitter feed was allegedly hacked and flooded with reports saying President Obama was dead. In a related event, Tony Danza hacked into his own account just to say he’s still alive. 

– Speaking of which, President Obama held a town hall meeting Wednesday where he answered questions over Twitter. This is not the first time the president has utilized social media, however. This past April he held a similar town hall meeting over Facebook, during the ’08 election he relied heavily on YouTube, and in ’05 he took to MySpace to promote what would be his failed career as Jafaru, the jive-talking Kenyan standup. 

– New intelligence suggests that al-Qaeda may be trying to sneak bombs past airport security by hiding them inside breast implants. TSA agents are now being told to profile any woman with a full-body burqa and a killer rack. 

Further intelligence claims that a major cyberattack back in 2009 – which shut down US government websites – may have come from North Korea. Investigators knew something was amiss when Robert Gates’ inbox was SPAM’d by offers for women’s sunglasses and tiny gray jumpsuits. 

Facebook has now partnered with Skype to release a new feature which will allow users to talk to one another via video. By implementing video-chatting into the website, developers say they hope to make denying a friend-request more awkward than it already is. 

– Although Friday marked the final voyage of NASA shuttle Atlantis, it was also the first time an iPhone was brought into space. With the help of AT&T’s shoddy coverage, scientists hope to redefine the phrase, “In space no one can hear you scream.” 

South Sudan formerly declared its independence Saturday and became the world’s newest country. For millions of Sudanese, this occasion means a chance for progress, an opportunity for liberty and prosperity; for Sarah Palin, it means increased tensions with its neighboring country – Africa. 

In a stunning upset, the women’s U.S. soccer team defeated Brazil in the world cup quarter finals. In an act of retaliation, Brazil has halted the steady flow of its Victoria’s Secret models into the States. 

Finally, News of the World, the British tabloid known for its sensational celebrity exposés, printed its final issue Sunday. The paper even wrote its own obituary. True to form, it was found lying in a pool of its own ink, next to an early edition of The New York Post.


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